Quick (Completely Made Up) Easter Fun Facts:

Here are a basket of fun facts for the Easter holiday, suitable for the whole family except for the kids. Please stay tuned for a new blog post next week, but for now — Happy Easter everyone.

Sales of pleated khakis and pastel colored polos skyrocket the week of Easter.

Easter Brunch is a popular tradition on Sunday. Brunch was created by taking breakfast and lunch and combining them into one larger meal. It’s a merger of the words “breakfast” and “lunch” generating a hoot of a portmanteau: “Brunch.”

Brunch originated in England in the late 1800’s, but became very popular in the U.S. to treat hangovers. It works well for those that had 10 too many the night before and couldn’t bring themselves to eat until that compromising time where lunch could be had, but bacon and pancakes sound really good too. Brunch allows the freedom to have both. And America never shies away from freedom and overeating.

The Easter bunny was created by corporate America after deciding that they needed something creepier than a fat bearded old man in red velvet to scare children on Christian holidays. An oversized beady eyed white bunny wearing a blackjack dealer’s multicolor tuxedo vest ought to do it.

Contrary to no one’s belief, Easter did not originate in the East.

Rule: Any candy in your Easter basket that doesn’t have a wrapper around it is the lesser of your options. Jelly beans and robin eggs are good. Giant Reese’s cups shaped like eggs are better.

Peeps are the highest selling non-chocolate candy in late April. Peeps are the lowest selling non-chocolate candy every other month of the year.

Easter Egg hunts are enjoyed by children, parents and pedophiles alike.

Easter marks the end of Lent, which is a period of 8 weeks where Christians give something up to lose weight.

A bowl of jelly beans is the McDonald’s ball pit of candy. Each one has been touched by multiple people.

If an adult man is having way too good a time helping kids during an egg hunt…he’s drunk.

Hard boiling and coloring Easter eggs is a great setting for silent farts to go unnoticed.

The Cadbury Bunny is a sex addict.

Chris Berman on Easter still sucks.

Easter has something to do with Jesus.