In Defense of MacGruber, The Parody Sketch That Became an All-Time Comedy Classic

Samuel Butler’s Hudibras is a 17th century poem parodying the classic hero. It is accredited as one of the earliest works of the mock-heroic genre. When tales of the overzealous savior exhausted the monoculture, satirists began turning hero epics on their head, often putting a fool in the role of hero. Butler’s poem centers around an imbecilic knight […]

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When Rock Was Your Crying Shoulder

1998 was a gentle time for rock music. Between the grunge era and the revival of new wave, a smoother, acoustically charged singer-songwriter format dominated the airwaves. This was a great time for sad white men—okay, every era has been a good time for sad white men—but the late 90’s had a surplus of dudes […]

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You Serious, Clark?

“What are you gonna do with that big bonus check? You’re gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.” “Who me? Heck, no!” This is one of my favorite exchanges from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. When you’ve seen this movie a thousand times, you take pleasure in its more elusive moments. Every December, Christmas Vacation recaptures […]

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If it’s Sunday, it’s Brunch

“My dream is of a place and a time where America will join together breakfast and lunch, let’s say around 11:30?” – Abraham Lincoln Okay, that was half a Lincoln quote. But by itself, is it still not accurate? As a working American with limited obligations, I revere a casual brunch. It’s one of the better portmanteaus […]

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The Leaves They Are a-Changin’

Starbucks is always jumping the gun. They’re that guy who aggressively starts rocking shorts in March. Easy does it, fella. It’s 53 degrees out. If there’s an approaching equinox or solstice, Starbucks is going to remind you well in advance. It’s a smart move by the coffee giant and it makes a lot of sense. […]

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I Went to Buy Pants

At some point I thought this was a good idea. I need them. It has them. A match of supply and demand affirmed the plan. Saturday afternoon I was going to the mall to buy pants. This was a classic case of playing something out in your head far better than it will in reality […]

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Opening Day Brings Out the Best

I recently took part in my first Opening Day festivities for our Cincinnati Reds in beautiful downtown Cincinnati. It was 70 degrees, sunny, and the middle of a Monday. Our brutal winter was extinguished with an early spring day of long awaited warm weather. I’m definitely not letting bygones be bygones with Mother Nature as […]

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Play Next Episode

It’s Sunday morning. The clouds are out, but not especially. You’re exhausted from a week of work and a Saturday night of one too many. There’s nothing on the docket for today and you can already feel the slight dread of the impending Monday morning alarm clock and the obligations that come with it. The […]

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The Communication of Siblings

This past week my Uncle suddenly passed away. He was the oldest of five, but certainly lost way too soon. This was my Dad’s brother. They were very close in age and thus experienced a lot together growing up. Most of my Dad’s siblings have great experiences and stories they share and continue to create […]

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Settling a Restless Mind

Winter’s typically a rough time for me. The cold temperatures and shorter days make me restless, but also leave me plenty of time to stress over a full range of spontaneous and ridiculous thoughts. I lie awake at night trying to fall asleep, but these thoughts race through my mind and keep me up far […]

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Breaking News: July is Hot

It’s the middle of July so it’s that time of the year for network news to report that it’s hot. This is their top story. The production team gathered in a room to discuss the lineup and of all the pressing matters laid out before them they’ve gone with No. 1: It’s hot outside. Later in […]

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Observations of an Old Man

My Dad is always proclaiming that he’s reached an age where he stopped caring what other people think of him in public. It’s a bit of a source of humor in our family, as he is many years away from being considered an old man, but his next step is reaching a point where you […]

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Return of the ‘Necks

There’s just too much behavior to cover with one blog post. I’m proud to say I’ve displayed more than a few ‘neck like qualities. They are inherent characteristics as American as extension cords or adding bacon to everything. So without further ado, here are a few more endearing traits of a ‘Neck. • Having a picture […]

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A Few Things to Tell My Unborn Son

I am nowhere near ready to be a Father for a lot of reasons, but there are certain things I hope my future child (assuming a boy) appreciates or understands. I’ve taken the opportunity to document only a few of my vitally important lessons and proper guidance.   Avoid the grocery store on a late Sunday afternoon. […]

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My Niece is a Miniature Confucius

I recently met my newborn niece, Madeleine Denis, for our first family trip with the new addition. While she is certainly adorable and has Welch’s Grape Juice commercial baby cuteness, her wisdom was an unexpected virtue that taught this 26 year old adult (trying to be, at least) a few lessons and a way of […]

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That’s ‘Neck

Certain things are just ‘Neck. We all do things that make the next person toss us into a group of generally hilarious classification, but nothing beats the ‘necks. Seeing their decisions in person always brings me great joy. Not the over the top Foxworthy rednecks, but the more common observations that make you stop and say, […]

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NRB’s (/ˈnarbs/; French)

It seems you can’t watch CBS anymore these days without hearing about old men and their flaccid penises. Well, where is the advocacy for the contrary? Because one of the unfortunate experiences of male adolescence and young adulthood is the high frequency of erections occuring for absolutely no reason. These are appropriately named No Reason Boners (NRB’s!) […]

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Office Small Talk

I’ve never witnessed so many people willingly engage in something on a daily basis that they know they hate more than office small talk. There has never been an earnest and whole-hearted “how are you doing?” in the existence of morning hallway conversation. And the response to this question is as unfailing as a drunk […]

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Coffee Dumps

There are few things more sudden and terrifying than the arriving sensation of a coffee dump. It’s more abrupt and intrusive than unexpected nudity while watching a movie with your parents. The vital and delicious morning liquid of choice serves as our beloved and inspiring friend early, but later becomes our sworn rectal enemy. Coffee […]

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