‘Catastrophe’ is a Wonderful Love Story About Drowning

The closing track of the Japandroids’ second album, Celebration Rock, is a song called “Continuous Thunder”. This is one of my favorite love songs in existence. It’s loud, it’s sweet, it’s corny, and it acknowledges that love is a messy reckless endeavor. It’s two people willing to go arm in arm out into a storm, knowing that […]

The Timeless Horror of John Carpenter’s ‘Halloween’

John Carpenter was never that interested in horror. He wanted to make westerns like the Howard Hawks films he grew up admiring. And while his work spans a number of genres, it was early in his career that a low-budget slasher flick made him the unofficial master of horror. 1978’s Halloween is one of the most […]

In Defense of MacGruber, The Parody Sketch That Became an All-Time Comedy Classic

Samuel Butler’s Hudibras is a 17th century poem parodying the classic hero. It is accredited as one of the earliest works of the mock-heroic genre. When tales of the overzealous savior exhausted the monoculture, satirists began turning hero epics on their head, often putting a fool in the role of hero. Butler’s poem centers around an imbecilic knight […]

Sharp Objects, True Detective, and the World Building of a Mystery

Who is the killer? This is the central question to every murder-mystery that’s ever been written. In the endless catalog of whodunits made for TV, the best shows have little concern for the answer. HBO’s latest drama, Sharp Objects, an adaptation of Gillian Flynn’s bestselling novel of the same name, begins with their version of the […]

The Dave Matthews Band in 2018

The week’s nostalgia continues with the band many of us grew up with. With a new album out on Friday, what is the Dave Matthews Band in 2018?

When Rock Was Your Crying Shoulder

1998 was a gentle time for rock music. Between the grunge era and the revival of new wave, a smoother, acoustically charged singer-songwriter format dominated the airwaves. This was a great time for sad white men—okay, every era has been a good time for sad white men—but the late 90’s had a surplus of dudes […]

Barry Hits its Mark, But it’s Aiming at Much More

1997’s Grosse Pointe Blank was a fun, clever comedy. A professional assassin unhappy in his career decides to attend his high school reunion. The violent killer required to have no emotions and leave no footprints collides with a part of his life that has both. That’s the punchline. It by no means is original, but […]

If You’re Uncomfortable, Start There

Just like that, Atlanta came back with a literal bang. Donald Glover’s searing FX series returned with an opening scene taking the audience back to a pocket of impoverished America where playing Xbox from your couch is as seamless to your day as violence and death. Things that are commonplace depend very much on what […]

For The NFL, It’s Only An Island If You Look At It From The Water

“You yell barracuda, everybody says ‘huh, what?’ You yell ‘shark!’ and we’ve got a panic on our hands…” This is the Mayor of Amity Island, Larry Vaughn, pleading with Chief Brody to consider the consequences of exposing a dangerous truth of their pristine island. Jaws is a monster movie about outsiders defeating a threat in […]

You Serious, Clark?

“What are you gonna do with that big bonus check? You’re gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.” “Who me? Heck, no!” This is one of my favorite exchanges from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. When you’ve seen this movie a thousand times, you take pleasure in its more elusive moments. Every December, Christmas Vacation recaptures […]

A Rebel of a Careless Man’s Careful Daughter

Last week, Taylor Swift made her newest album, Reputation, available for streaming services. This completes a rollout that began as a remarkable failure. An objectively bad first single, a PR misstep involving her lawyers (note: lawyers are to PR as oil is to water), and rarely seen audibles being called by Swift and her team […]

Fake News Is As Real As We Make It To Be

I just finished a well-written piece on healthcare reform. The author did a brilliant exposition on profit-driven insurance providers and how shareholder value dictates life and death for seriously ill patients. I’m alerting everyone I know to give it a read. I’m also alerting them that it’s fake news. The proliferation of online platforms for […]

Trump Loves the Mirror, and it’s Time to Shatter it

If you have a shred of moral intuition you knew this already: Donald Trump does not respect women. The latest jarring audio of Trump, speaking candidly with NBC’s biggest coward, Billy Bush in 2005, is seemingly the back breaker to an extensive collection of the most outrageous sound bites to ever come from a presidential candidate. […]

‘Must See TV’ is Gone, and it’s Never Coming Back

There’s a memorable sound bite from this year’s lauded pop-culture hit, The People vs. OJ Simpson, in which Courtney B. Vance’s remarkable portrayal of Johnnie Cochran implores us to “choose a side!” He says it with such disdain for indifference that it draws the definitive line for the rest of the series. You have to be […]

Death and Politics

Death and Politics: What dying informed me about our political landscape and the inspiration needed to move forward.

If it’s Sunday, it’s Brunch

“My dream is of a place and a time where America will join together breakfast and lunch, let’s say around 11:30?” – Abraham Lincoln Okay, that was half a Lincoln quote. But by itself, is it still not accurate? As a working American with limited obligations, I revere a casual brunch. It’s one of the better portmanteaus […]

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes

I applaud Jimmy Buffett. Music is an art that stirs a catalog of emotions so vast you’re sometimes unable to identify all of them. A song can make you feel something for the very first time. It’s as powerful an artistry that has ever existed. Musicians spend their entire lives trying to propel their music […]

A Haunted Past: Shirts vs. Skins

“I really enjoyed (playing sports), but they also easily invited low self-esteem. It was during these prepubescent years that a new source of anxiety developed. My greatest fear had become the decree that a matchup be decided…between shirts and skins.”

Dropping the Ball on New Year’s Eve

Happy New Year! We’re in the first week of 2016. Most of us are back at work reflecting on a turbulent, but memorable holiday season. Your pre-holiday events were spirited. Your Christmas was joyful. And your New Year’s Eve was…meh. For the young and optimistic, I have to ask, your New Year’s Eve plans didn’t […]

The Leaves They Are a-Changin’

Starbucks is always jumping the gun. They’re that guy who aggressively starts rocking shorts in March. Easy does it, fella. It’s 53 degrees out. If there’s an approaching equinox or solstice, Starbucks is going to remind you well in advance. It’s a smart move by the coffee giant and it makes a lot of sense. […]

Sundays with the Worldwide Leader in Agony

NFL pregame shows are the worst things on television and I can’t stop watching them. Countless hours of my life have been spent sitting in my living room thrown into fits of frustration, bewilderment, and at times utter disgust. I have never once said the words “good point” without drenching it in an ice bath […]

Breaking it Down: The Wedding Dance Floor

There’s no time for cake. Wait, I take that back. That was an absurd comment I just made. Put a slice at my table and I’ll get to it when I can. This band is too busy conquering my soul right now. The bride and groom’s $1,500 dessert they spent days picking out will have […]

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’: The Polarization of Valentine’s Day

Sometimes I feel sorry for Valentine’s Day. It sits smack dab in the middle of the worst month of the winter and the mere mention of it is proceeded with rolling eyeballs. It’s become the punching bag of holidays the same way Chris Berman has become the punching bag of sports journalism. Only one of […]

Album Of The Year: When 2014 Needed 1989

2014 was a rough year for pop music. At the end of October there had not been a single album to sell a million copies. Sluggish sales and the growing prominence of streaming services have encouraged even reputable artists to be persuaded into gimmicking their album releases (U2’s intrusive iPhone 6 fiasco suddenly made Bono […]

She Proposed To Him! Marrying A Female Hero Franchise

This is a fair warning. I am offering this opinion as an adult man with his hormones still very much at the wheel. If I crash and burn in naivety or insensitivity just chalk it up to ‘boys will be boys.’ Historically I sit on the advantaged side of sexism and gender inequality. I can’t […]

“And What Are You Supposed To Be?” The Halloween Costumes That Haunt Me

I was the most neurotic child you’d ever meet. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. It was particularly manifested each and every October. There was a decision to be made of significant measure. The stress would get to me. It drove me to the bottle – mostly Squeeze-its and Sunny D. […]

Kids These Days and the Comeback (Continuation) of my Childhood.

First thing is first. I am not old. Despite my follicle erosion, hip pain, and constantly asking friends about food expiration grace periods and undershirt quality, I am a young man. After college people in their twenties, me included, love to make jokes about how “old they are getting” when they can’t recover from their […]

I Went to Buy Pants

At some point I thought this was a good idea. I need them. It has them. A match of supply and demand affirmed the plan. Saturday afternoon I was going to the mall to buy pants. This was a classic case of playing something out in your head far better than it will in reality […]

Quick (Completely Made Up) Easter Fun Facts:

Here are a basket of fun facts for the Easter holiday, suitable for the whole family except for the kids. Please stay tuned for a new blog post next week, but for now — Happy Easter everyone. Sales of pleated khakis and pastel colored polos skyrocket the week of Easter. Easter Brunch is a popular […]

Opening Day Brings Out the Best

I recently took part in my first Opening Day festivities for our Cincinnati Reds in beautiful downtown Cincinnati. It was 70 degrees, sunny, and the middle of a Monday. Our brutal winter was extinguished with an early spring day of long awaited warm weather. I’m definitely not letting bygones be bygones with Mother Nature as […]

Play Next Episode

It’s Sunday morning. The clouds are out, but not especially. You’re exhausted from a week of work and a Saturday night of one too many. There’s nothing on the docket for today and you can already feel the slight dread of the impending Monday morning alarm clock and the obligations that come with it. The […]

The Communication of Siblings

This past week my Uncle suddenly passed away. He was the oldest of five, but certainly lost way too soon. This was my Dad’s brother. They were very close in age and thus experienced a lot together growing up. Most of my Dad’s siblings have great experiences and stories they share and continue to create […]

Settling a Restless Mind

Winter’s typically a rough time for me. The cold temperatures and shorter days make me restless, but also leave me plenty of time to stress over a full range of spontaneous and ridiculous thoughts. I lie awake at night trying to fall asleep, but these thoughts race through my mind and keep me up far […]

Bartender, There’s a Douche in my Drink

There’s something about assigning a crisp, articulate and apt “Douchebag” to a worthy candidate. It’s not nearly as profane as the long list of alternative insulting labels you can dole out to someone, but it sure does pack a punch. People know being a Douchebag entails a vast array of unattractive characteristics stirred together […]

Breaking News: July is Hot

It’s the middle of July so it’s that time of the year for network news to report that it’s hot. This is their top story. The production team gathered in a room to discuss the lineup and of all the pressing matters laid out before them they’ve gone with No. 1: It’s hot outside. Later in […]

NSA, You Have My Number So Call Me Maybe

The NSA is tracking my phone…and I really don’t care. You can call me naive or ignorant on matters relating to our government’s intrusion of privacy, but there are far fewer things I concern myself with than the NSA knowing I placed a call to my sister to wish her a happy birthday or that […]

You’re Sure of it, until Your Son Tells You He’s Gay

I’ve decided to table my attempt to be funny (emphasis on the word attempt) to write about something that happened in the news this week that really strikes a chord with me. It wasn’t NFL free agency, Pope Watch 2013, or the excitement behind watching Justin Bieber take his first steps into the inevitable child […]

Observations of an Old Man

My Dad is always proclaiming that he’s reached an age where he stopped caring what other people think of him in public. It’s a bit of a source of humor in our family, as he is many years away from being considered an old man, but his next step is reaching a point where you […]

A Guide to Throwing the Worst Super Bowl Party Ever

What are you doing for the big game Sunday? You’re probably going to some lame party with a great TV, phenomenal food, and a fully stocked bar… boring! We’ve all been there and done that. Be original this Sunday and do something only a few have ever accomplished. Throw the worst Super Bowl party, ever. […]

Return of the ‘Necks

There’s just too much behavior to cover with one blog post. I’m proud to say I’ve displayed more than a few ‘neck like qualities. They are inherent characteristics as American as extension cords or adding bacon to everything. So without further ado, here are a few more endearing traits of a ‘Neck. • Having a picture […]

Chain Restaurant Slogans that Didn’t Make the Cut

Marketing is an idea driven business. Some ideas make it and some don’t. Taglines and Slogans are a huge part of the Chain Restaurant business. It’s hard to believe that some of these didn’t make it past the meeting room and consumer tests, but here are a few of the better known chain restaurants’ heavily […]

A Few Things to Tell My Unborn Son

I am nowhere near ready to be a Father for a lot of reasons, but there are certain things I hope my future child (assuming a boy) appreciates or understands. I’ve taken the opportunity to document only a few of my vitally important lessons and proper guidance. Avoid the grocery store on a late Sunday afternoon. […]

My Niece is a Miniature Confucius

I recently met my newborn niece, Madeleine Denis, for our first family trip with the new addition. While she is certainly adorable and has Welch’s Grape Juice commercial baby cuteness, her wisdom was an unexpected virtue that taught this 26 year old adult (trying to be, at least) a few lessons and a way of […]

That’s ‘Neck

Certain things are just ‘Neck. We all do things that make the next person toss us into a group of generally hilarious classification, but nothing beats the ‘necks. Seeing their decisions in person always brings me great joy. Not the over the top Foxworthy rednecks, but the more common observations that make you stop and say, […]

NRB’s (/ˈnarbs/; French)

It seems you can’t watch CBS anymore these days without hearing about old men and their flaccid penises. Well, where is the advocacy for the contrary? Because one of the unfortunate experiences of male adolescence and young adulthood is the high frequency of erections occuring for absolutely no reason. These are appropriately named No Reason Boners (NRB’s!) […]

Office Small Talk

I’ve never witnessed so many people willingly engage in something on a daily basis that they know they hate more than office small talk. There has never been an earnest and whole-hearted “how are you doing?” in the existence of morning hallway conversation. And the response to this question is as unfailing as a drunk […]

Coffee Dumps

There are few things more sudden and terrifying than the arriving sensation of a coffee dump. It’s more abrupt and intrusive than unexpected nudity while watching a movie with your parents. The vital and delicious morning liquid of choice serves as our beloved and inspiring friend early, but later becomes our sworn rectal enemy. Coffee […]